


The Answer

by facetiousfutz



Category: South Park
Genre: Angst and Feels, Anxiety, Canon Gay Relationship, Creek is Real, Feelings Realization, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Not Actually Unrequited Love, South Park 1906 - Tweek x Craig, Suicidal Thoughts, Young Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2019-01-15 23:18:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12330834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/facetiousfutz/pseuds/facetiousfutz
Summary: “Craig, are we actually dating?” Tweek asked. He wasn’t the least bit nervous, or jumpy. He already knew the answer.“Yeah,” said Craig, admiring the smell of Tweek's hair. He didn’t even notice the smell of garbage anymore.





	1. Tweek

It wasn’t fake. 

Goddammit, it wasn’t fake. 

Jesus Christ. How was this not fake? 

He tried to tell Craig it wasn’t fake, even if those exact words never came out. Craig still knew what he meant and totally blew him off. He really wanted to help Craig feel better at least, in any way he could, because their “break up” was nasty, and it was entirely Tweek’s fault. 

Even so, Tweek couldn’t shake how exhilarating it was in the moment. He really wanted to make Craig proud, because Craig believed in him. No one ever believed in him. No one ever encouraged him to do good. No one ever cared. It didn’t matter that Craig only encouraged him for his own self gain. The confident look in his eyes, and the quelling of Tweek’s nervous energy that went with it. Those things were real. The way Tweek’s chest swelled in the moment was real. The warm hum in the pit of his tummy was real. He’d never felt like that before in his life, and he didn’t want that feeling to go away.

No one had ever given Tweek that kind of push, and when he walked out of the cafeteria with fake tears in his eyes and a smile on his face, he’d never been more proud of himself. He couldn’t have gotten there without Craig.

That was where he fell, hard. 

And there was nothing he could do about it. 

Tweek didn’t know where the initial rumor started, and had no idea how the Japanese girls figured it out even before he did. It didn’t seem right, or fair. Also, he didn’t think it was obvious. It certainly wasn’t obvious to him. Heck, he was absent from class half the time because of his anxiety, among other problems. It wasn’t too long ago that he’d been hospitalized after slipping and falling into Stark’s Pond and nearly drowning beneath thin ice after a particularly nasty mental breakdown. He was back on meds, fresh off of suicide watch, and back in school regularly now, his classmates none the wiser as they hardly ever paid Tweek any mind anyway. At least that’s how it used to be. He sat with Craig maybe once at lunch, but Tweek almost never talked to him, and hardly ever looked at him. When the fuck did it ever occur to anyone that they were gay? And how? Why?

That one random ass day Wendy Testaburger showed the entire school a slide show of yaoi artwork changed everything. After erupting with panic his mind went to the cold depths of Stark’s Pond once more, which he had to expel before it became a problem again. He hated the hospital. He didn’t want to go back to that sterile, creepy hell hole. Not to mention hospital coffee was gross, and he only got to drink it when the adults weren’t looking.

Jesus Christ, he should have been the twitchy kid, or at worst the suicidal kid, being ripped on for his uncontrollable mental fuckery. Elementary school was the dearth of morals and empathy, especially when it came to rotten kids like Eric Cartman, and fucked teachers like Mr. Garrison. Tweek was already hardened for that flavor of prejudice. He was totally used to it.

So much for that. Tweek was the gay kid now. The gay kid in a school that was mostly supportive of gay people, but the gay kid nonetheless. He didn’t get picked on for it, but the high pedestal and intense scrutiny he dealt with was stressful in its own way. He wasn’t prepared to deal with that. He didn’t know how to deal with being the kid that was gay with Craig. What the fuck was he supposed to do now? 

Again, Tweek really had to wonder where it all came from. He’d gotten into a fist fight with Craig once, but didn’t remember what it was even about. Tweek was pretty sure they were pitted against each other. Stan, Kyle, and Cartman were such assholes sometimes. They forced the whole thing. Then there was that time when Queer Eye for the Straight Guy was a popular fad. Craig got into it way more than anyone else, and invited Tweek into his circle personally. He even spent his whole allowance on matching outfits for the group and insisted that he was a catamite, even though he totally wasn’t. It was a weird, weird time, but a way to blend in, so Tweek didn’t give it much thought at the time. He even learned to enjoy caramel lattes and virgin appletinis with his metrosexual dad. It was a pretty good memory, actually. 

Other than that, Craig and Tweek really didn’t hang out much. Tweek mostly kept to himself, whereas Craig had a circle of friends. He was also very stand-offish and disinterested, though concerned just enough for his image to keep up with fads. Same as Tweek really. He had the same penchant for blending into the background while everyone else was the center of fuckery. It was a comfortable place to be.

That only explained what they had in common, but not why Japanese girls decided they were a couple. That’s the part that went over Tweek’s head entirely. He also wasn’t too happy about being the center of small town gossip these days. They didn’t give a shit about how he’d nearly died, but “hooking up” and “breaking up” with Craig mattered a whole hell of a lot for some reason. 

Tweek wanted to resent that. He wanted to push Craig away from himself and his thoughts. 

Yet as he laid in his room, cold and alone, at three in the morning, he was struck with a very intense understanding of his true feelings. 

He liked Craig. He liked Craig whole lot. And he liked Craig in that way, like a boy likes a girl, only he was a boy who liked a boy instead. How in the hell did that happen? 

It was mental. It spun around in his mind like a hamster wheel. Exactly like the video of a dwarf hamster running in its wheel so fast that it lost its footing and spun around twelve times before being flung out. Tweek was flung out dizzy and intensely interested in Craig. He liked Craig and wanted to be with him. Maybe that did make him gay, but he didn’t care. Why does being gay matter so goddamn much?

It was emotional. It hadn’t even been a week, but Tweek had screamed, panicked, bashed his head against his desk repeatedly, smiled, laughed, cried, and mercilessly beat the shit out of his pillow over the whole thing. He was also pissed off at his parents. He felt like a burden with his various mental breakdowns, but now that he was “gay” his dad honestly thought that explained everything. That’s where most of the tears and frustration came from. Even if he was gay, he wasn’t just gay. He didn’t want that to be the only thing that mattered. It hurt, and it already felt like everything was heading in that direction. 

It was physical. Once Tweek realized that, he was completely fucked. He thought of Craig’s sweet, dopey, resting bitch face and the way he flipped everyone off like he didn’t give a fuck. Because he didn’t, and Tweek really needed more people in his life to not give a fuck, or at least give a fuck about more pressing issues. But they gave a fuck about what they perceived to be Tweek’s homosexuality, and that made him want to rebel against the pool of warmth inside of him in regards to Craig. Those feelings were right in his belly, and when he noticed, the energy that came pooling out was electric, and it went all the way to his fingers, toes, and cheeks. 

Tweek liked Craig. Mentally, emotionally, physically, Tweek was completely enamored. Craig is a boy, and that makes him gay, or something. He wished it could end there, and that he could explore these feelings privately now. 

Sadly, he would have no such luck in a town as small and nosy as South Park. 

At least he had the night. That weird hour where his body was cold and heavy, and sometimes the Underpants Gnomes came, but they were just there to steal underwear. They didn’t care that Tweek was gay. 

Yet, Tweek wasn’t gay. At least, not totally. Kind of, a little. Maybe? It was really hard to figure out. He definitely wasn’t gay before, in any case. He never thought of another boy like that in his life, yet he was so certain that he liked Craig now. It never occurred to him that he could ever like boys before. Although, to be fair, it never occurred to him that he’d ever get a girlfriend either. All thoughts of dating girls were generic, fleeting, and almost always inspired by his peers and whatever they were up to. 

Most of the time, Tweek was a hot mess. A whirlwind of anxiety, panic attacks, ADHD, and God knows what else. Pursuing a relationship was like an insurmountable chore to Tweek, which is part of why he was confused. Every goddamn inch of him wanted to be with Craig, as boyfriend and boyfriend. Was that even possible? If he couldn’t take care of himself, what right did he have trying to be with someone else? To make his problems their problems? What gave him the right to do that? 

He couldn’t ask for Craig to put up with him. Craig, of all people. Craig was the poster child of wanting to be left the fuck alone, and was now somehow dealt the misfortune of not only being “gay,” but “Tweek’s douchy ex-boyfriend.”

That was a sore spot, too. Especially for Craig, given that’s he’d rejected Tweek outright not twelve, or fourteen hours ago. Tweek didn’t really think in terms of days because he didn’t sleep, so he got them all mixed up.

And he did so well, when actually he fucked up. He didn’t mean to throw Craig under the bus. He didn’t mean to fuck up Craig’s reputation. He wasn’t thinking about any of that. He was only thinking about following Craig’s lead, doing what he wanted. Ending this on Craig’s terms. Tweek wasn’t sure he’d live to see the fifth grade, so he didn’t take anything but the exact moment into account. Craig wanted to “break up” and Tweek obliged.

That was also where Tweek realized his own feelings. 

He walked away, so certain, so confident, so relieved. 

It was wonderful, and it sucked ass. 

And Craig didn’t want his help. 

Tweek’s mind spun all of these facts over, and over, and over in his mind for hours, slowing down for occasional bits of microsleep, only to be jolted awake by pesky, hurtful thoughts once more. Craig was mad at him. Craig told him to go be gay with someone else, but Tweek wasn’t gay for anyone else. Only Craig. He didn’t know how, or why. The town was convinced that Japanese girls decided that, but Tweek was pretty certain his own mind and body were deciding that now. Of course, his mind and body were deeply flawed and made his life a living hell. He supposed that was par for the course. Have him develop romantic feelings toward a boy who wanted nothing to do with him. Fucking fantastic. 

He’d been acquainted with a similar chemical reaction only once before, but not nearly to this extent. The only thing he had to compare this to was that weird phase he and the guys went through when Bebe’s tits started growing. Of course, he couldn’t recall now if he’d actually cared, or if he was following the crowd again. How many of the others were following the crowd? Cartman seemed kind of gay, especially that one time he was totally obsessed with Kyle sucking his balls, and the time he showed a picture of himself sucking Butters’s dick in class. Because he’s a stupid asshole, though, he didn’t get put on the spot for being gay. Only Craig and Tweek. What the hell? That’s not fair. 

They must not have been into fat people. That had to be the only reason Japanese girls overlooked Cartman in favor of Tweek and Craig, which was still so goddamn weird. Tweek couldn’t help but be freaked out about it, still, even after realizing that his feelings for Craig are real.

He’d buried his head in his pillow for the tenth time and shrieked. Why was this happening? Was he doomed to wander the world with an unrequited crush on another boy? Why did fate deal him yet another cruel hand? What was the point of it all? 

Early that Sunday morning, he showered, got dressed, and took a walk, only stopping once for coffee before first catching a glimpse of Craig’s back, then the hand he was holding out.


	2. Craig

It was supposed to be over. 

Weird shit like this always happened. Then the town moved on to the next weird shit. It was a cycle of shit, eternally whirling down the toilet bowl. Craig had long since detached himself from it. It’s how he chose to cope. Usually. 

This current line of events couldn’t end soon enough, though.

Craig didn’t have the patience for this, especially since he was still mad about the town freaking out over his mom’s bush. Stupid, perverted, redneck fuckwits. Craig Tucker was generally stoic and put on an excellent show of not giving a rat’s ass, but the cracks in his resolve were growing deep, and he was really, really pissed off about that.

And now he was even more pissed off, because the whole town decided he was gay long before he could get a word in edgewise! 

What pissed him off the most was that, if he had just ridden it out. If he had just let those stupid Japanese girls do their dumb little art without giving a fuck, maybe they would have gotten bored and moved on. Everyone knows Stan and Kyle are the biggest gaywads in school anyway. Tweek and Craig were a phase. Something some dumb girls pulled out of their ass. It wasn’t an actual thing. It wasn’t! 

He’d told himself that a million times, and each time it became less and less true.

He took it personally. He never took things personally, unless it was about his guinea pig. That was different. OK, so he never made it obvious when he took things personally, in any case. Not until now. Instead of not caring, instead of riding out yet another fucked wave of random absurdity, Craig got mad and tried to control the situation. Since he’d committed the sin of existing in South Park, he was cursed to bend to its will and become something he didn’t want to be. Or, as it turns out, he was forced to face a truth he wasn’t even ready to explore yet. 

If that wasn’t enough, he was totally stuck now. Everyone in town not only thought he was gay, but they hated him, and the only one that wanted to date him now was Tweek. 

Fucking goddamn Tweek. 

Craig wasn’t ready to be gay. Not openly. He was fucking ten years old. He wanted to be a kid still. He wanted to do kid things, like play with his guinea pig, or fall off his bike. Sure, he’d never dated a girl any longer than two days, but he wasn’t entirely certain he didn’t like girls either, and he felt like the opportunity to ever try again was taken away. That left him bitter, and he took that out on Tweek, despite not really being all that mad at Tweek, honestly.

Then he had that awkward ass talk with his dad earlier that night. The one where Craig didn’t say a word. If he spoke up, all he’d do is get in trouble. That’s all that ever happened, so he stayed quiet and let it be. 

He was still surprised his dad took it as well as he did. Craig supposed he was grateful for the support, if nothing else. He didn’t mind getting a hundred bucks either, not that he had anything he wanted to spend it on. 

Lately he’d felt empty. Alone. Frustrated. Confused. And strangely warm. He told Tweek to fuck off, more or less, but those were empty words. Tweek’s sentiment wasn’t lost on him. He honestly did care about how Craig felt, and that was a first. No one ever cared how Craig felt. Ever. Craig was just kind of there, on the receiving end of what everyone else was doing, following what everyone else wanted, and not speaking up for himself all that much. He went through the motions. He didn’t care. 

Usually.

He couldn’t let it go, though. The concern in Tweek’s voice, not to mention the gratitude. It was true. No one ever believed in Tweek. Overall he was regarded about as highly as Butters was. He screwed up a lot. He made a mess of things. He shouted, twitched, and hyperventilated a lot. He’d missed at least five weeks of school already, which was already more than he’d missed in the third grade, and he was almost held back then. Was he going to be held back this time? How could Craig date someone who was enough of a failure to be held back a grade?

No. That train of thought was unfair, Craig decided. He didn’t think Tweek was a failure at all. Sure he was a spaz, but in the grand scheme of things he was a much better person than almost anyone else that Craig knew. It was kind of cool that he was so different, honestly. All the girls were boring as fuck, and most of the guys were stupid and sucked. Tweek stood out, though. Under all that wound up, caffeinated, twitchy exterior was a person. No. THE person that cared that he’d hurt Craig. The only person who ever cared. The only person to say “sorry” and “thank you” in the same breath and mean it. 

That was so goddamn rare, and Craig told THAT to go be gay with someone else. 

What the hell was he thinking?

He was partially inclined to rebel against these feelings, not because he wasn’t gay, but because he felt like everyone chose this for him. How could he have feelings for someone who was chosen for him? If anything, he should hate Tweek. He should kick his ass once and for all and be done with it. 

But that’s not what he wanted. 

What he wanted was to find Tweek and let him know that he changed his mind. 

Sure, the town would be watching. It’d be creepy. They’d freak out about it. They’d coo and swoon and draw their stupid pictures and be assholes about it, but then they’d get bored, and Cthulu would attack the town again, or whatever, and Craig would have his privacy back. 

And he’d get to be with Tweek. 

Goddamn.

He actually wanted to be with Tweek. 

The fuck?

Knowing that kept him up all night, and he allowed his mind to go strange places. The type of places he’d normally tune out with television and video games. 

And he couldn’t help but remember that he’d already been through this with other boys. Twice, in fact. Each time the feeling increased exponentially. 

He fucking hated himself for it and wouldn’t tell a soul, but for a brief moment in time it occurred to him that Butters was kind of cute, with his pudgy, girly face. When that happened, he stopped sitting with Butters at lunch everyday. The feeling died pretty quickly, and stayed dead the more Cartman rubbed off on Butters. 

Speaking of which, he also thought of the day Cartman showed the entire class that gay picture of him with Butters’s dick in his mouth, and Craig had to look away. Whatever THAT was, it wasn’t cool, and he still fucking hated Cartman for it, but he hated Cartman for a lot of reasons, so he filed that away as unimportant. 

That paled in comparison to the day he met Thomas, the boy with Tourette’s. Craig’s mom scolded him, because apparently it was bad to deeply admire a boy for yelling “shit cock!” to the heavens against his will. Craig thought that was kind of fucked up, because kids with disabilities and neurological abnormalities need friends, too. And if he was honest, Thomas was totally easy on the eyes and so fun to be around. If he didn’t move away to California, Craig might have dated him. Yeah, he could see that being a thing. 

Yeah. Fuck. Craig really, really liked him, but they didn’t keep in touch. That was very much one-sided, and now it was in the past.

And now he was stuck in Limbo. Did he actually like Tweek? Or did the town decide that he liked Tweek for him? 

Well, Tweek seemed to fit the bill in a lot of ways. Craig tended toward boys, that was painfully obvious now. He tended toward blonds. He actually kind of liked that they were all unique, and didn’t quite fit in with painfully normal assholes like Stan and Kyle. Even Butters wouldn’t be so bad if he were more like a Melvin, and less like a Cartman. 

All of Craig’s friends were unique, come to think of it. Clyde had a colostomy, and Craig happened to know that the rumor about his one testicle was true. Clyde found Craig easy to confide in and hang out with, and they often talked shit about Cartman and his friends, because those guys sucked. Token was really chill and not a dumbass. He was also the only other black kid in town besides Nichole, and occasionally he needed to vent about that. Craig’s answer was often “that sucks, dude” which seemed to appease Token. Honestly, what else was there to say? Then there was Jimmy, with his disabilities and his jokes. Craig liked Jimmy a lot. He was probably the coolest kid in the entire school, honestly. 

Shit. 

This was his group. The GI/ball surgery kid. The one black kid. The crippled kid. And of course, the gay kid, which was him. It was like Craig was now starring in some fucking politically correct sitcom, come to think of it. 

It was all just some reality TV show for aliens anyway, right? Fuck you. You’ll pay to see it.

... whatever. 

Craig tossed and turned, trying to shut his mind up. He fiddled around on his phone. He played Pokemon on his DS. When he noticed the sun was coming up, he attempted sleep for the third or fourth time. He couldn’t close his eyes without seeing Tweek’s face right way, though. 

This time he felt himself growing warm and fluttery. 

He was so, so goddamn gay. Fucking hell. 

He knew what he had to do.


	3. The Answer

Craig knew Tweek was there. He could feel it in his heart. People were staring, too. It was making his skin prickle, which was a mild irritant that faded away the moment Tweek grabbed his hand. Then he was flooded with relief. You wouldn’t notice from the look on his face. He didn’t want to look like a stupid loser in front of his boyfriend. He had an image to uphold, damn it.

They must have walked for miles, saying nothing as they passed through. Tweek’s hand was so warm, and fit in Craig’s perfectly. They were almost the same height, and walked at the same pace. 

It was so comfortable. 

It was instantly comfortable. 

The town just seemed to fade away.

The less they could feel eyes upon them, the more free they felt to sneak glances at one another. They both smiled. Craig could feel his heart race when Tweek smiled. How had he never noticed before? Tweek was so goddamn cute, and handsome. He wasn’t even remotely freaking out. Craig felt like freaking out a bit, though.

Eventually, they stopped to take a break at the city dump, where there were absolutely no fucking people. It smelled like compost, mildew, and burnt rubber. Good. That’d keep prying eyes away. They found a nice flat rock to sit on, and Craig put his arm around Tweek and planted his face in the other boy’s hair. He’d never been so happy in his entire life.

“Thanks, dude,” said Craig, sighing with relief as Tweek leaned into him. 

“For what? Are you OK?” 

“God.” Craig tightened his grip. “It’s weird, having someone give a shit about how I feel. I don’t know if I can get used to it.” 

“I... I think I know what you mean,” said Tweek. “No one ever believed in me. Not even my parents. Then you... agh!

“Craig, are we actually dating?” Tweek asked, in awe of the situation. He wasn’t the least bit nervous, or jumpy, though. He already knew the answer, and Craig didn’t hesitate. 

“Yeah,” said Craig, admiring the smell of Tweek hair. He didn’t even notice the smell of garbage anymore. 

“Good. Because... because I really, really like you, Craig. I don’t understand if that makes me gay, or something, but I definitely like-like you. Even if the town’s being super weird.”

“The town’s always weird, Tweek,” said Craig. “Let’s just sit here for awhile.” 

“OK.” 

Tweek melted more into Craig’s warm embrace, content to exist in this moment for as long as possible. All else be damned. 

The End


End file.
